Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
