Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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