i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
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Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
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She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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