so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
