one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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