i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
