dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
