That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Did I show you my penis last night?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
