He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
