Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
one two three fourrrrnication!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Are we still banned from the library?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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