i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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