You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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