just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
home. puking in laundry basket.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
