And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
