The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
