My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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