My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
