p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
