I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
