I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
