I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you inspire me to be a worse person
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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