Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
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