Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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