he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
