Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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