I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
