sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Couch. On fire.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
