white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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