OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
