I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
