I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
