Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize