you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize