You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
