I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
