im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You ruined the universe
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
