I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
