dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
