I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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