They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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