i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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