Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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