Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
