I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
