a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
