State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
