i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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