I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
