Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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