I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
