mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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