why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize