Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
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Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
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Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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