MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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