Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
