I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
