I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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