My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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