The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
