I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
