Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
