On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
