I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
