I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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