Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
