i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
