And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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