I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
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its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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