I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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