Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
