Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
