he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
