Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
