Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
